Alternative Film Theory: Darth Vader is not Luke’s father.

No, it wasn’t Obi Wan as you might suppose, or Jar Jar or Yoda, and it had nothing to do with the midichlorians. It is actually quite a bittersweet romantic story involving a young pilot called Jek Tono Porkins (JT to his friends).

JT was just 23 when he met Padme Skywalker née Amidala and she was nine years his senior. Padme’s marriage to Anakin was already in serious trouble. The young Jedi was getting involved with a bad crowd and Padme’s objection to this was putting a serious strain on their relationship. Anakin was becoming sullen and moody, communicating less and less with his wife. While she still loved him, Padme found that her husband was no longer showing her the love and affection she craved. She had once been a monarch, adored by many, but now she felt alone and unloved.

At first she found solace in her work as a senator but soon this wasn’t enough and she sought companionship with JT, a crew member on her private star cruiser. It was initially just friendship but as Padme grew more distant from her husband she got closer to JT. The two if them spent days together, putting on civilian garments and hanging around in the bars and restaurants of Coruscant. Padme was initially reserved out of respect for her vows but JT quickly fell deeply in love. All the while Anakin continued to emotionally ignore his wife and the marriage was reduced so that the only connection remaining was physical. Padme and JT’s relationship developed and they too became physical.

Padme fell pregnant with twins and knew that the children were not her husband’s. Of course Anakin was not stupid and began to suspect that Padme had another love. Toward her final trimester Anakin was over come with jealously and anger and, accusing her of betraying him, almost choked her to death. Padme fell into a coma she would never recover from but the babies were successfully delivered before she passed away.

JT was devastated. He found a job as a flyer in the new Imperial Fleet but he stopped paying attention to his health and over time put on a great deal of weight. He was one of the last non clones to fly in the armed forces but was eventually sacked by a government obsessed with perfection and uniformity in its soldiers.

Anakin meanwhile, despite sustaining some serious injuries in a fight, rose up through the corridors of power taking a significant position within the new political structure. He never knew that it was Porkins who had fathered the twins and in fact believed the babies to have perished with their mother.

JT Porkins joined the Rebel Alliance, a less sizest employer, and found some satisfaction in fighting against the oppressive regime his love rival supported. JT finally found happiness again when the young Princess from the planet Alderaan, who he knew to be his daughter, joined the cause. JT never told Leia the truth of her parentage but took great pride in seeing the strong leader she had become.

Tragically Jek Tono Porkins was killed aged just 40. Keen to punish Anakin, now known by another name, he took part in the mission to destroy the first Death Star but never made it home. He didn’t know that the talented but bolshie new pilot fighting alongside him was his also his son. He only knew him as Red Five.

Anakin did find out the truth eventually, pompously telling everyone he had felt it and knew it to be true. In reality he’d found it all in one of Padme’s old diaries. Anakin elected to find Luke, JTs lost son, tell him lies and turn him bad as revenge. Ultimately though Luke resisted, being too much like his heroic father Porkins and nothing like the petulant coward Anakin Skywalker.

Incidentally Ben Kenobi, who knew some of what had happened, got totally confused by it all. As a result his account of events came out as an elaborate yarn, full of half truths and inconsistencies. He’d excuse this by lamely saying it was all true, from a certain point of view.

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