Baywatch 

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The reason I watched Baywatch is because I’d heard it played with sexist conventions, objectifying the male body in the way that a lot of films do with women. I thought this might be an interesting thing to explore on the blog. I’d heard wrong though, it doesn’t do this at all. There are a number of shots of abs and bulging biceps but it is all still way too interested in bikinis and cleavage. It tries to comment on this, tentatively calling out the chauvinist tropes but it wants to have its cake and eat it so when asking why the swimsuits are cut so high it goes to great pains to show you just how high they are cut. 

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Nope, Baywatch does not have this going for it. In fact Baywatch has nothing going for it, Baywatch is terrible. Carried purely on the considerable charisma of Dwayne Johnson but regularly dropping all of its balls the film is just excruciating. It has a weak plot, cliched and uninspiring moments of heroics, contrived story beats, clumsy underwritten cameos (you’d guess who even if their seconds of screen time hadn’t managed to get them named in the opening credits) and deeply mediocre performances. There is also a never ending stream of wise cracks that demonstrate no wisdom whatsoever. This movie isn’t anywhere near as funny as it thinks it is (others may disagree). 

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It is a shame because the first trailer looked kind of fun (the sheen had come off by trailer two as they had to add extra footage and 98% of what they shot is rubbish). This is lazy film making of the highest order. In watching it you will only be rewarding them and you won’t even slightly be rewarding yourself. 

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I’m not angry at the film because it isn’t worth getting worked up over but it is the worst film I’ve seen this year and everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves, even Dwayne Johnson.

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Baywatch has recently been released for home viewing but I suggest you happily carry on your lives as if none of this had ever happened.

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