Have you seen a bad movie? Don’t worry, I have the cure.
I saw Terminator Genisys this week and while I enjoyed it at the time it has repeated on me a little. This last day or so I’ve just not been feeling quite right and I realised what I needed to do to regain equilibrium. I needed to watch Terminator 2.
Sure enough having now dosed myself with James Cameron’s early 90s classic all is right once again. Terminator 2 was the antidote I needed having binged on a two hour IMAX helping of shallow and gassy blockbuster fluff.
This got me thinking about other movies that leave a nasty taste and whether, as with nettle stings and dock leaves, nature/cinema had provided us with a natural cure. Movies are able to cure other ills after all. For years I always watched Paul Bettany in Wimbledon on the day Murray crashed out of the grass tournament and it always sorted me out good and proper. Similarly Footloose has picked me up after after many a bad day. Surely then for every bad film there must be an antidote film.
Here then, after a series of lengthy trials and chemical tests, is a list of celluloid ailments and their cures. Some were obvious, others took a little more work but all are guaranteed to work.
• For Twilight take Let the Right One In
• For Pacific Rim take Monsters
• For Avatar take Dances With Wolves
• For Mama Mia! take Pitch Perfect
• For Prometheus take Alien
• For Equilibrium take District 9
• For Man of Steel take The Dark Knight
• A Good Day to Die Hard take Die Hard
• For Die Another Day take Casino Royale
• For Quantum of Solace take Goldeneye
• For Fifty Shades of Grey take The Duke of Burgundy
• For Batman & Robin take Batman: The Movie (1966)
• For Grown Ups take Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
• For Jack take Big
• For Patch Adams take Awakenings
• For Piranha 3D take Jaws
• For Godzilla take Jurassic Park
• For Spider-Man 3 take Spider-Man 2
• For any of the Star Wars prequels take any ten minutes of The Empire Strikes Back
• For Kingdom of the Crystal Skull take Raiders, Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade (some toxins are harder to clear out)
• For Howard the Duck take Guardians of the Galaxy
• For Van Helsing take Ghostbusters
• For The Spirit take Sin City
• For The Pink Panther take The Pink Panther
• For Gigli take Out of Sight
• For Catwoman take The Dark Knight Rises