You won’t believe what’s happened to my blog

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You won’t believe what’s happened to my blog, you’ll be totally amazed.

Actually, you won’t. That was an obvious hook line but I’m guessing you knew that already. The grand revelation at the end of this post is hardly going to have you picking yourself off the floor but stick with me, you’ll see where I am going with this.

As the author of a website I am clearly interested in what prompts surfers to read particular things online and the uncharacteristic success of one of my recent reviews has opened my eyes to something I had not really considered. I originally wrote something about this a year or so ago, pondering on what I needed to do to go viral but I realise now that I had missed a trick. Mind you, I’m kind of comfortable in my lack of vision in this one particular area.

I’ve certainly still not had anything actually go viral but one of my reviews has had significantly more attention than I am used to. Typically a post on my blog will generally get around 30 to 40 views. Some of those that have been around for a while have been clicked on around 100 hundred times but as few as 10 is not unheard of for less known movies. This is all fine, I repeatedly tell myself that I write this stuff more for me than anyone else. My most successful musing until recently was something I put together on judging representations of women in cinema and that has been read on 319 occasions. My post on Kingsman: The Secret Service though has, in the month since I sent it out there, been viewed over 10,000 times.

So what is it? Is it my even handed critique of Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman’s latest celluloid comic strip? Is it my celebration of how Colin Firth plays a part both totally typical of him and unlike anything he has done before? Is it the comparisons I made between the film and Adam West’s Batman or is it maybe even my feminist analysis? Nope, it’s none of those things although the last one ironically comes closest.

While considering the gender politics in the film I wrote the following passage:

Swedish actress Hanna Alström appears in the film as ‘Scandinavian Princess’. Despite her totally nondescript title she is a forthright woman. She stands up against the villain, showing brave defiance and strength of will. All of this is then undone by her final scene in which she is suddenly and inexplicably submissive in the most demeaning way. Presenting a strong female character and then reducing her to little more than a sex object for the sake of a cheap gag is not the film’s high point. I think the script, written by a woman don’t forget, is trying to make a statement about how the old James Bond films always had the female lead bedded by the hero at the end. As it is though the unnecessary close up of her naked butt pretty conclusively undermines any satirical intention.

I know this is the section that has generated the interest because my blog platform gives me information on what search terms are leading readers to my site. You can see where this is going, can’t you? Here are some typical examples of what people are typing into a Google to find my website:

Hanna Alström naked butt
Swedish princess ass kingsman
Hanna Alström nude
Naked Swedish actress Kingsman
Kingsman naked butt
Hanna Alström naked
Hanna Alström bare ass

The majority of the searches are encrypted so it could well be that people are also finding me with different things on their mind but I suspect this is not the case. It would seem I owe my sudden success to those whose history is full of naked ladies (and by that I mean their search history rather than their personal history).

I did get one view after someone searched for ‘kingsman feminist reading’ but that one person was unfortunately almost certainly an exception. My site has even been linked to a website called nudeography.com but I’ve chosen not to check out how and why. I wonder what these people think when they find me decrying the inclusion of nudity in the film. Still, if I have distracted them from what they are really looking for, just for five minutes or so, then I’ll take that. Everyone is welcome.

There it is then. It isn’t necessary to lure an audience in with empty promises of wonder and amazement. (They’ve done this with web videos for sometime but one particularly geek site is now trying it with their articles. ‘You’ll never believe what Robert Downey Jr is doing in Avengers 2’ says the headline despite there being nothing of note to follow it.) Evidently what I need to do from here on in is include the name of a lesser known actress in my reviews, someone like Sarah Gadon, Alexis Knapp or Agata Trzebuchowska perhaps, along with the words ‘naked’ and ‘butt’ and then see what happens.

That might seem a little random in a review of something like Shaun the Sheep but, you know, you’ve got to generate traffic somehow.

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